Secret

Actually, i hid some thing(s) from my husband which i always wish that he would never known about it. it was a mistake(s) but i know i never want to do it again.

but what if we reverse the situation where my husband was hiding something from me and accidently i found out about it.

i cant stand with this situation anymore. but i just want him to make an inisiatif first.

Hurted

it's been a long long time ago since the last time i got this hard hit. well then unfortunately, i cant still as though as i thought i would be. the tears still roll down in anytime and anywhere they want to.i felt reluctant to gohome yesterday, but i remembered what my mom said about not to leave home in any worst condition of your marriage.i went home, finally, after spent about 40 minutes at the bus shelter of cawang, shedded my tears, thinking and try to clear my head.but i picked up raka first and at home in almost 9.

he was sleeping........
until the morning came..........

he always does that..............

better be sleeping rather than trying to make up with things..........
or with me...........

so, how long will you be sleeping hubby?
how long?

how long will you try to have me back?
to win my heart back...?
cause u got a lot of chances....
when the words of 'maaf' seems not enough, sometimes it's only need to be complited with your act with some of another words...

that's that baby...
i dont know what was i thinking when i finally decide to send you the sms-es

i still couldn't think....

Ga Jadi

Ternyata barang yg gw ceritain di posting sebelumnya ga jadi kebeli karena ada fatal error... jadi dibalikin, padahal udah naksir berat ama paket lensa nya.

dan sebagai gantinya, jadi beli baru deh dengan lens kit std (18 - 55 mm), tpp gpp.. ttp suka kok

btw anyway...
this morning i accidentaly found something that put me in an odd situation. between torn apart and being reminded about mistakes i did in the past days. i really dont know how to respond.i really love bursting out all of my anger but at the same time i took this as a thing that i deserve.

it just didnt fair. but i did an unfair things too.
but why??????? why should be this way?????

why my husband?

why?

Praying

Semoga barang yang gw beli senilai rp. 7,1 jt nanti bisa membawa keberkahan.... (apa sigh)

anyway, this is a hobby only, hanya saja semoga gw ga bosen untuk belajar dan terus belajar....

(the goods is still on its way to me from Bandung... ga sabar pengen megang)

Damn

I saw this adv yesterday :

Detail Produk


Nikon D40x kit 18-135mm + VG
Kategori : SLR-Kit
Merk : Nikon
Kondisi : Bekas : 93 %
Harga : Rp. 7.249.999,00
Jumlah persediaan : 1
Nama Anggota : Erick Suria Mulyadi
Tanggal Posting : Selasa, 20 Jan 2009, 13:44:05 WIB
Keterangan:
Kondisi 95%lengkap box dll
SC <20rb>

VG merk Jenis

kit-nya 18-135mm yah, bukan 18-55mm (kit-nya D80)
optik lensa ga pake jamur dll
bonus SD 2 gb buat yang ga nawar
Mohon jgn tanya :- Lokasi di mana ? ==> dah sy tulis..
- Boleh kurang nggak/nett-nya berapa? ==> langsung tawar aja
- masih ada ngga ? ==> kalo ga ada dah ga ada di thread
- masi garansi ngga ? ==> kalo masih, pasti sy tulis..masi garansi sampe ....dd/mm/yy

Tulis nama barang yang sedang ditanyakan (sms)
Terima TTBandung, jl. Sultan Tirtayasa no. 17
081 224 77 288 (Erick)
081 221 63 602 (Heru)

www.gudangkamera.com
ym : ruthndul88ym
: ahmadpahlawan

Terima debit BCA/kartu kreditgaransi fisik 1 harigaransi fungsi 1 minggubuka jam 10-18 setiap hari termasuk sabtu & minggu

and.. this conversation happened just a minute after i saw the adv :

rizkikomalasari (1/20/2009 1:54:34 PM): selamat siang..... mo tanya soal d40x yg ada di FN pak....
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 1:54:43 PM): bole
rizkikomalasari (1/20/2009 1:54:55 PM): klo 7 dapet ga.. "D
rizkikomalasari (1/20/2009 1:54:58 PM):
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 1:55:42 PM): tambahin 100rb deh..
rizkikomalasari (1/20/2009 1:55:51 PM): lokasi di bandung yah?
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 1:55:59 PM): yup
rizkikomalasari (1/20/2009 1:56:21 PM): tambah 100rb tp udah termasuk ongkir?
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 1:56:31 PM): kirim kmna ?
rizkikomalasari (1/20/2009 1:56:39 PM): saya di jakarta
rizkikomalasari (1/20/2009 1:56:55 PM): kantor di sudirman, mungkin kirimnya kesana
rizkikomalasari (1/20/2009 1:57:31 PM): itu kit-nya 18 - 135 ya ?
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 1:57:42 PM): yup..
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 1:57:43 PM): brb
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 1:58:40 PM): seeeppp ?
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 1:58:53 PM): bca 7770159649 erick suria mulyadi
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 1:58:57 PM): alamat kirim ?
rizkikomalasari (1/20/2009 1:59:10 PM): saya bisa Dp dulu ga pak... book...
rizkikomalasari (1/20/2009 1:59:17 PM): full amountnya baru bisa hari kamis
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 1:59:25 PM): sisanya kapan ?
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 1:59:29 PM): dp brpa ?
rizkikomalasari (1/20/2009 1:59:34 PM): 500?
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 1:59:49 PM): kamis tuh bsok ya ?
rizkikomalasari (1/20/2009 1:59:59 PM): lusa... sekarang selasa
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 2:00:01 PM): tgl 21 jan ?
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 2:00:07 PM): seeppp
rizkikomalasari (1/20/2009 2:00:15 PM): okeh....
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 2:00:16 PM): bs 5jt dulu ga ?
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 2:00:21 PM): masalahnya..
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 2:00:29 PM): sy kudu belanja lg nih
rizkikomalasari (1/20/2009 2:00:42 PM): klo 5 jt nya hari rabu gimana?
rizkikomalasari (1/20/2009 2:00:50 PM): baru ke kuras nih rekeningnya
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 2:00:56 PM):
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 2:00:59 PM): ya udah..
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 2:01:04 PM): DEAL !!
rizkikomalasari (1/20/2009 2:01:15 PM): sekarang 500 rb dulu yah.... booking fee
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 2:01:23 PM): seeep
rizkikomalasari (1/20/2009 2:01:33 PM): besok 4,5 juta
rizkikomalasari (1/20/2009 2:01:40 PM): terus kamis sisanya
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 2:01:46 PM): ok
rizkikomalasari (1/20/2009 2:01:56 PM): barang dikirim klo dah lunas ya ?? he he he...
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 2:02:06 PM):
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 2:02:11 PM): ya dong
rizkikomalasari (1/20/2009 2:02:14 PM): ini sama bapak ahmad?
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 2:02:21 PM): yup
rizkikomalasari (1/20/2009 2:02:22 PM): ada nomor kontak pak?
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 2:02:32 PM): 081 221 63 602
rizkikomalasari (1/20/2009 2:02:32 PM): saya kiki 0811920136
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 2:02:38 PM): 022 701 81 791
rizkikomalasari (1/20/2009 2:02:57 PM): nanti klo 500 rb nya dah saya trf saya kabarin ya...
rizkikomalasari (1/20/2009 2:03:05 PM): btw sd cardnya include yah!
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 2:03:21 PM): kalo ga nawar tuh
rizkikomalasari (1/20/2009 2:03:30 PM): yah.. kan nawarnya cm 150
rizkikomalasari (1/20/2009 2:03:39 PM): plis pliss... he he he
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 2:03:39 PM): hehehe
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 2:03:51 PM): sy kasi yg 1gb deh..
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 2:03:54 PM): 2nd
rizkikomalasari (1/20/2009 2:04:04 PM): siiipp...
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 2:04:17 PM): sececpatnya yg trx nya...
rizkikomalasari (1/20/2009 2:04:21 PM): btw itu kondisinya seperti yg ditulis kan yah.. masalahnya ga liat barang nih
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 2:04:30 PM): sy mo cabut dulu
ahmad pahlawan (1/20/2009 2:04:34 PM): garansi bos..
rizkikomalasari (1/20/2009 2:04:42 PM): oke.. nanti saya sms soal 500 rb nya
rizkikomalasari (1/20/2009 2:04:49 PM): thx pak!
rizkikomalasari (1/20/2009 2:13:53 PM): bos... 500rb udah di transfer nih.... mo difax bukti transfernya ga?
rizkikomalasari (1/20/2009 2:16:42 PM): ada no fax nya?

I must be crazy doing this thing.... and i just made the full payment today....

We celebrated our 4th-anniversary las Friday (16/01). i took a day leave and planned to go to Dufan with my hubby. since it's a wet season and we worried about the 'banjir ROB', we canceled the plan. so there were we confused without a plan.

and he said he need to go to Mahameru first to give his employee some 'receh'.ok, and i went along with him. and did some banking stuff at Tamini square. about 10 am, we finished the banking stuff and decided to go PS to redeem some Sogo shopping vouchers.it took us to 11.30 am to finish the process. since it's friday, i let my husband did the 'Jumat'an' while i took some window shopping with a pair of Zara discounted-grey-shoes as the result.then we had a lunch at bakmi GM (not a romantic one that i've been dreaming of). after the lunch, we discussed what to do next. 'movie would be fun' i said.. and we checked what movies were playing at some cinemas. nothing interested him.and he suggested to go home coz he wanted to take raka to mushola for 'jamaah magrib'. then there were we... towarded to home..

over all, it was far far away from what i dreamed to have for my 4th anniversary. but well, it's ok.. we might do better next year.. so that's that...

btw... about the Zara sale-shoes : not quite comfort to wear, but it's ok, hope i'll get used to it and i bought a new pair of casual-Airwalk shoes too today (shoes?? again?). i bought them to meet my need of a though-casual shoes for daily wear especially to catch the bus up.

that's all

it gets deeper

someone.. please please help me....

i

still

am

dying

i want it ..........

i want it ..........

i want it ..........

i want it ..........

soooooooooooo baaaaaaddddddd

I'm Dying

to have this one...
but a lot of things on recent situations made me not to buy that things soon
wait for me baby.. pleaseee

Lucky (part 2)

referring to the previous post, at the same day i met some of my old friends and had a dinner together. there were 9 of us including me. after a lot ot talks, gigles, catch up to each others missing years, we all enjoyed the gathering. on my went home, i went over through a deep thingking :

• Friend #1 : i think she has a good life, married for about 3 years and live overseas where both of them have a good job. i always think she is lucky. she is beautiful, has a great family, quite rich with a big family house.there're a lot of stories that she shared with me that always thought she is a lucky person. but then i found out that she hasnt blessed with a child yet, even after she tried vitro fertilisation. wew..
  
• Friend #2 : she is a hardworker, smart and easy going. she is a rising star in her office. and she is enjoying all her hardworks in terms of money.i always envy her luck in career. but the thing is she hasnt found her love yet eventhough she has lots of friend
• Friend #3 : much alike with friend #2, only she has career less and she has a boyfriend to lean on
  
• Friend #4 : similar to friend #3 but minus boyfriend to lean, but i think she has someone nearly close to boyfriend
• Friend #5 : much alike with friend #3
• Friend #6 : much alike with friend #5 only this is a him, i once introduced him to one of my friend but it was just didnt worked out well
• Friend #7 : a married man, about 3 years too...and his wife is pregnant about 4 months, only her wife is having problem with her health. my pray goes for them
• Friend #8 : actually he is one of my colleague at the office. he has everything i guess, good life, great wife, wonderful juniors (2) only he live separated town with his family. he goes home to his family every friday of the week

and then me : i didnt have any serious complains of my life. i studied well, graduated well, has a quite good job, great husband and lovely son, and great family too...

so?
what can i ask for more?
how come i still not put myself as the luckiest person in the world?

and now i feel i do a luckiest person in the world

Lucky

i wrote :
some people are lucky while some others just dont

then a friend of mine wrote me back:
some people are lucky, but sometimes they don't realize that they're lucky

nice.i like it. and it brought me back in to call it as a great day

Burst Out

i really hate myself when i found myself at this point.i really do. cause there is something inside here that felt want to burst out. i want him to know.i want the world to know.but it's not supposed to be like that. all the energy i felt should be kept far away somewhere.

where no one can see it
where no one can read it

no one

not even

me

Cheap Things

Something had made me to go to pasar baru last monday, alone...sneaked out while raka was sleeping. i was planning to take raka with me, but he seemed to be very sleepy although it was only 11 pm. well yes.. he woke up at 6 pm, played a lot, ate a lot, then there went the heavy-sleepy .

i took the train instead the angkot, gladly i was lucky to be in time when the train arrived at the Stasiun Tebet
hup! got on the train that took me to Sawah Besar in about 15 minutes...somehow, i always enjoy using train as long as it's not full loaded :D

from Sawah Besar i took the angkot although it was not very far.. but it was a hot shiny day.. fiuuhh..... and stopped at the Metro Pasar Baru. instead of -menyalahi aturan menyebrang, tidak menggunakan jembatan-, i went up to the kios bridge.. and passed by the 'Aneka Photo' while sight seeing of 'the thing' with drolling heavily.. naaahhh....not now (just to please my self)

After the Tiara things... i went to the Passer Baroe Plaza to look for a pair of -crocs alike- slipper for raka. he actually had ones, but it lost at the dufan when i hold him while he was sleeping and i realized it when we are already at the car park (sudahlah di ikhlas kan...). i just love to see raka in those slipper.. looks comfort and goes well with his activity..

not an easy thing to find those slipper... when i finally saw them worth for 20k...and it took the woman so long to handed me those slipper and made my eyes catched another pair of shoes for me...-it was definetely her fault!..*pembenaran mode on*- well, i just thought i needed those shoes, kinda comfort and multifunction too... besides it was cheap only 29k.....

i was about to wear the shoes today.. but it just didnt match with my dress.. ha ha ha

i spent :
bolak balik :
Angkot : rp. 4k
KRL : rp. 2,5k
Crocs alike slipper for raka : rp. 20k
a pair shoes for me : rp. 29k
mount tea : rp. 1k
total spent : rp. 56 k...

cheaaaaappp.. but tired (soalnya banyak pake jalan.... enjoy sih pas jalan cuma membekas di betis.. pegel!)

Absence

Well... it's a quite long absence after my last posting...

at the first place, i meant to write everything in here, my thoughts, my things, my feeling... well, it's not as easy as i thought it would be.. :p

it just that i think i got my mood to post a lot of things in here

Kopi

it's been couple months i let my self to have a coffe time regurarly every day...i usually have it around 3 - 5 pm. Before i have it as a routine activity i cant even stand a half cup of coffee since it'll dry my eyes and made me hard to close my eyes to have a nice-tight sleep, not to mention dry throat, frequently pee-wee, and a not-usual heartbeat...

well.. gladly, now i can enjoy my cup of coffe without those things to worry..yeeee....
by the way, coffe does keep me awake at home when i got home from work to play with my cue adoreable raka..

speaking about raka, wwwoowwww..... i do greatfull could see all magics happened to him

Lately

My life has been messed up lately... i had a fight with my husband, loaded on work, not-well managed table, haaahh.... tired me up... hope much better for next week....

'S'

Another progress made by raka.. he can spell s

pertma ngeh pas dia bilang 'susu' tp saking seneng nya bisa ngomong S suka ngawur juga cih.. ngomong disitu biasanya dicitu sekarang jadi disisu ha ha ha....

Family Time

we spent last weekend at megamendung and we had a good time. there were 6 family of us : mine, dion's, nyo's, pak wim's, kak jo's and mabk rury's.

lucu deh, dulu terakhir kita pergi yg udah nikah dan bawa keluarga baru mbak rury doang, sekarang semua udah bawa buntuuuuttt... malah ada yg udah 2.. asiik juga, meskipun ngobrol2nya ga se bebas dulu, krn kita adjust sama waktunya baby-baby.... :D

ibu-ibu banyakan ngobrol seputar anak dan rumah tangga, bapak2 ngomongin gadgets, F1 racing, mobil, bisnis, dll...masih ada yg sempet maen truff... tp krn stamina cuma sanggup sampe jam 1 doang... dulu mah bisa sampe jam 3 or 5 pagi.. ha ha ha

ngumpul2 dan catching-up what've been missing was fun for every each of us....look for another trip next year

Meja

Fiiiuhh....hari ini hampir setengah harinya gw habiskan dengan ngeberesin meja dan file- file... the result is incredible!!!! :D why did i do that? coz i dont wanna get stuck again like those files when i get back here on monday!!!! when you have a clean table u have more good atmospheres to do your works... agree??? this is my before and after desk situation ....

sebelumnya mau paraf or tanda tangan dokumen aja setengah mati.. cari pulpen terkubur, cari 'pengokot' terkubur juga... sekarang malah gw nemuin iket rambut yg 2 hari ini gw cari... tp u know what?? kolega2 gw apalagi boss2 itu.. meja nya lebih parah... sampe warna coklat dari meja tuh ga keliatan... :)), untuk menghibur diri, kita sih bilang meja berantakan itu ciri khas kita.. :p

something

Something happened to me today and i dont know somehow i really felt happy about it.. :D was it ok if i felt that way??

sudah lah dinikmati aja.. jgn terlalu dipikirin... :p he he he...
ouw i bought a pair of new x.m.l. shoes.. 50% discount, brown, small tip with 9 cms high heels... wow...
still cant imagine wearing it all day at the office.... but i just love it!!!!! cool...

absen

udah lama ya ga posting disini.. entah kenapa, lagi penat!
lots of things happened, ouw.. i bought a new sofa to put in my living room... made of 'dark mahogany' coloured wood with lime green couch along with four pillows. just right and nice. showed strenght and warmness at the same time... ha ha ha.. i described it too much huh?

about my son, raka, gosh!!! he really made a lot of progresses, much nicer, much negotiable, but still is with his 'pelit'ness.. :((
what else, my mom-in-law is here until next thursday and raka seemed very enjoyed his time with her. he even said 'mau sama oma' when he woke up yeterday morning... wow!!!

about my husband, we are catching up the TV serial HEROES, he likes the films..(of course!!!) he even slept at 4.30 in the morning on saturday just to have the fourth CD finished. o ya.. we'll be having a 'piknik' this weekend at megamendung with some of my office/ex-office friends, it'll be fun.. cant wait